Tuesday, January 20, 2009

On Another Note....

So, this past week our church has been doing a "Daniel Fast", which consists of eating no meats or sweets, but fruit, grains, and veggies. The point of this is to draw closer to the Lord and put down before His feet what doesn't matter in our life. These past few weeks, I have seen how much my junk has been important to me. One of them is my desire to have children. Now, I have not spoken on this before, since really I haven't felt the need to, until now. Being married for almost five years, yet with no kids has brought me joy and sadness. For the longest time I placed a great importance on having our own kids, that I felt out of the loop around other couples. Why? Really it is a matter of self-confidence and the desire to be accepted. The Book of Isaiah in chapter 59 speaks how the barren woman will have kids, and they will be her inheritance. I read this last night in my time with God, and that nagging emptiness filled me. I rebuked it, and came to work this morning feeling His peace. After checking face book, a dear friend of mine from college left a note saying how his son always enjoyed the time he had with me as I watched him. That was when he was a 4 year old, he is now 12 and still remembered the fun times we had. I baby sat him while his father went to night school.

This brought tears to my eyes, how easy it is to forget that I made an impact on that boy, and years later saw the fruit! I hadn't even seen him a few years. I have worked with kids, teens, and young adults the past 15 years of my life and feel this is a part of my life's purpose. I may not have any children of my own right now, but there are plenty of children out there who need a hug, a gift, some time to be a child, and that my friend, is far much better than wallowing in self-pity!

So at church on Sunday, as my friends carry in their babies, nurse them, and change diapers, I can and will sit back thanking God that He has brought more kids into this world that I can make an impact on! *smiles*

Talk at ya later,

Jessica Smith

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